Where I write

Where I write

September 19, 2011

I Wanna Be a Rock Star

I was looking through help wanted ads for servers on Craig's List. I do this instead of working on my novel because I keep thinking there is a pot of gold out there just waiting for me at a yet-undiscovered restaurant. All I have to do is land that job and I'll never worry about money again. Right. Anyway, here is how one of the ads read:

My first thought was -- you need a following now to be a server? Well, but then this was Scottsdale, land of boob jobs, bling and McMansions. Even cocktail servers must have followings in Snotsdale. I have 16 followers on my blog so I thought maybe I have a shot.  I kept reading.

The ad listed the following qualifications to be a VIP cocktail server in Scottsdale:

1. Knows at least ten people with a net worth of 150K+.
So let me get this right. You are a cocktail waitress who has a bunch of friends, here in economically depressed Arizona, worth 150K+. My question is why are people who are worth more than $150,000 hanging out with cocktails servers who, let's face it, make if they are lucky, really really lucky and sexy, maybe $50,000? Maybe in a good season. Or at a strip joint. No mention in ad, though, of being naked. Now I'm not sure if my 16 blog followers earn that kind of high dollar income but maybe...and if they don't maybe they know someone who does. I started thinking other people I might know who make $150K. Donald Trump. True I never really met him but I know he's pompous and arrogant and wears a hair piece so I sorta know him. That's one at least and a pretty good start.
2. Loves Music, VIP, and people.
How does one love VIP? Does that mean one doesn't love non VIP? If you love VIP you probably don't love people on food stamps and living in public housing.  Non VIP people usually work in resturants, though, in the kitchen washing dishes or cooking. Well, I love VIP, whatever that means, and I even love non VIP because I am one. So I'm doubly qualified.
3. Has a Type A Personality.
Whatever the hell that means. I guess ambitious, left brain thinker, organized? I've been a cocktail waitress and worked with a lot of cocktail waitresses and the really the only qualification you need is basic math, how to carry a heavy tray, and sturdy feet. And sometimes it's difficult to find a cockatil waitress that can do all that and still come to work on time and not have a mean boyfriend who hits them. Sorry but it's true. So I've decided to call myself Type A because I can balance my check book and I have a big feet.(see past blog for more information on my foot size). And no mean boyfriend.
Finally the ad says Prior Experience Not Required,  however, you must be a Rock Star!!! A rock star. Like these rock stars?
Are these the type of gals who have made the cut? Probably not. I'm not sure they knew how to carry a cocktail tray. And yet, Grace Slick and Janis Joplin were rock stars. Hmmmm....Finally the ads requires a "resume and full body photo." Big surprise. Not.

How about this one? It isn't me but what the hell.

I love those boots and fish net stockings and flashy red guitar. Now my only problem will be when I get called for an interview. If I have enough proof that I have tons of rich friends (maybe I'll give Donald a call) and I talk about how much I love music (except country and western) and how much I love people (except bad tippers) and how organized and ambitious I am then maybe just maybe they will overlook the fact that I am not 22 years old. Perhaps I should just be a rock star and forget being a cocktail waitress in Scottsdale. Nah. I better get back to writing the novel. Too lazy to learn how to play the guitar.


Rita A. said...

The biggest problem I see is that Janis Joplin and I believe Grace Slick are dead. So much for rock stars. Some of the requirements make you wonder if there isn't a side-line going on with this job . . . a profession even older than being a server.

Anonymous said...

I think that ad is looking for a Playboy Bunny. You could pull it off! ;-)

Anonymous said...

So maybe you're not 22, but being sure footed is certainly an asset!

SunsetCindi said...

I don't make $150k so I guess I can't help you out. Wonder what kind of requirements the bartenders need??