THAT'S NOT MY TABLE

 

Sometimes, instead of writing, I browse Craig's list looking for stuff like a purple couch. I've always wanted one.  Owning a purple couch, as compared to brown or black, feels like a risk I can do unlike sky diving, driving in Los Angeles or getting a tummy tuck.

When not trawling for purple couches, I read the help wanted advertisements for servers. Most servers (no matter what they tell you) are always keeping one eye open for a restaurant that offers more money, less side work and shorter hours. I like looking at the want ads for two reason. One because it makes me feel as if, even though I'm not writing, I'm doing something productive. It's  a mind game I play with myself. One of many of which I am the star justifying her actions.

 

The second reason I like to look is how they are written. Here is an ad for a private country club looking for servers. Servers needed who can supply Warm Welcomes, Magic Moments and Fond Farewells.

Just how warm? Luke or steamy? If not balloons and streamers, a big hug, or a smooch? Is there a server training manual on how to be warm? And what about these magic moments?

Can a server top this? Doubtful this can be created plopping a plate with a bloody rib eye and a baked potato on the table. I don't know about your life, but I've never ate in a restaurant and experienced a moment as magical as wearing an evening gown and being swept off my feet by a  man who kisses me passionately in the middle of the street. The pressure to compete with that makes my server self tired at just the thought.

And what about those fond farewells. This looks fond to me. What is better than cowboys waving and telling you happy trails. Cute. Too bad we can't fit horses into the restaurant. Besides, if people have tipped well most servers will feel very fond about the guest and be smiling as they leave. If they have not tipped, well then comes the attitude problem.

Speaking of attitude. Here is another posting on Craig's List for a server wanted.

     "Restaurant/bar/nightclub is in need of great, happy, food servers.
Please be available and ready to work. We don't deal with ATTITUDES please!We are busy NOW, so, we need you ASAP! Come on!

The person who wrote that ad seems to have a bit of an attitude.  Rather pushy, eh? At least the word please is used. I know what the ad means, but impossible. Everyone has an attitude. It's our perception that makes the decision if it is good or a bad attitude. Surely the writer of the ad has never seen this chart before:

A person without an attitude would have to be like this....

 

So far they haven't figured out a way to replace servers with robots. Yet.

The most warm welcomes, magic moments and fond farewells have never happened to me because a server, a stranger, created them. It was because of the people that sat at the table, my friends or family, and dined with me.

When we rely on a server to make us enjoy our meal, then we will always be disappointed. No one has ever made me happy. Oh people have kept me entertained for awhile, but in the end it was my own choice whether to smile.
A server doesn't need to become your best friend. His or her job is to be competent and kind, serve safe and tasty food, and then adios!

 If the person sitting across the table from you isn't someone you want to be sharing food with then even if the server tap dances while standing on her head and whistling your favorite tune, it won't be enough. I understand what restaurants are looking for, serving not just food but people's emotional needs as well.

I don't know about you, but I have trouble figuring out, and meeting, the  emotional needs of my loved ones much less someone coming for a hamburger. People need to be responsible for making their own magical moments.  And perhaps they should also be required to supply the warm welcome and fond farewell to his or her server.  Its likely they will get one in return. I see so many grumpy faces every night coming into the restaurant. Why? These aren't people suffering in hospital beds, or walking into a funeral parlor,or visiting the tax man.  

Anyway, I betcha if this young man applied for the restaurant job he'd be hired even with an attitude... though perhaps he'd have to keep off the shirt.