Holiday Pot Luck and Why I don't Bake

This time of year I hear everyone talking about "getting their baking done."
I vision people baking cookies such as those pictured above, with swirls and stars and moon shapes, the kind of cookies Santa would like with a glass of milk after he slides down the chimney. I picture these people, usually women, who bake this time of year bustling around their cozy kitchens with aprons tied around their waists humming to White Christmas. My friend, Julie, bakes every year, then gives her cookies as gifts. When people write or tell me they are baking I just think, "oh that's nice. Sounds like work to me."
Before I go any further you must know this -- I love to eat. I've never been one of those people who says, "Oh my gosh. I've been so busy today I forgot to eat today." I might forget people's names, but I never forget to eat. As my friends can attest, I don't like to bake, or cook, or even really boil water. People who come to my house for any length of time have thrown their hands up in exasperation, especially those who attempt to use my kitchen, when they can't find a proper mixing bowl or utensil or whatever it is that people use to cook. This is what I use to cook food!  Or should I say reheat food. Okay I'm lazy. The microwave is my best friend.

I've worked in restaurants since I was 18 years old. I've seen enough stainless steel appliances in my lifetime, from spacious gleaming kitchens to crummy,  dirty ones. I've watched enough people cook, from big fancy chefs, to a teenager throwing stuff on a grill, to know it doesn't look fun as, say, tap dancing. I love to tap dance. I'd rather tap dance than make cookies. I even have my own tap dance shoes. I'd rather dance than bake.
However, I do like to throw parties. And I have a holiday pot luck planned for December 23rd at my house. And you are all invited. (make sure to bring something to eat.) Notice I planned a "pot luck". Okay I admit it. The thought occurred to me, only briefly mind you, that maybe I will make all the food for everybody. I'll chop, and dice and simmer and, nah. Forget that. For my pot luck, I'll supply the paper plates and the wine. Recently  went to a pot luck when I visited my elderly friend, Goldie, where she lives in a senior citizen apartment. It sorta looked like this.

I don't imagine my pot luck will look like this. In fact I sorta wish my pot luck might look like the photo below. That might be fun and I wouldn't eat too much because I wouldn't want to look too fat. Clothes can hide a lot.

But I digress. My pot luck is also planned as a White Elephant Gift Exchange so that will divert the attention of anyone wondering why I didn't bake dozens of cookies and make a feast. The wine might help, too. 

Anyway... I was recently in the north pole and got to speak to the big guy himself (his wife was busy baking cookies) and he told me that you all have been very good and won't be getting any coal in your stockings! Santa and I wish you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! xxoo